Come On Baby Lets Go Party!

Partying is a generic term. In our circles we usually call it a get-together.

The accent is often on food! Some of the reasons for partying are, somebody's birthday, some achievement, reaching a milestone ... the need to give "them" a treat, ... "they" have returned home after a long stint overseas ... It's been a long time since we met those guys ... the last trip we made together was well over six months back ... housewarming, when the need to announce an engagement to relatives arises, wedding anniversary, and often, no reason at all.

There is excellent food, and jolly company! What more do you need? These events were so much taken for granted that you need to actually miss them to know what missing them really is.

The get-togethers that we look forward to mostly are the ones where everyone knows everybody else.

There are occasions when some new kids on the block are also involved. Sometimes these get togethers consist of just two or three families, and a couple of neighbours, and at times half the countryside.

In the early and mid nineties things like this used to happen quite often, and whenever a week passes by without one such get together, alarm bells ring. Something is wrong they all seem to think.

Nowadays, the complexion of things have changed. Even the frequency. The regular hosts are pretty much less active. The new kids on the block rule.

As often as once in six months you could expect an invitation, or the hint of the need to organize a get together comes your way. "If nobody else does it, at least we should." This attitude is what keeps the flame burning.

The truth about everything is, nowadays there are many new kids on the block, and everybody does not know everybody else either. Some of the not so new kids on the block want to continue that way. There is also some kind of a competitive element in the air.

The downside of it is, it also happens that there are occasions when you would wish you were left out, as some of the other "guests" whom you have only heard of, and heard of from various sources are not exactly the type you were looking forwarding to chilling out with, or would be those whose company you would have prayed to the lord to be totally deprived of for the rest of your life and theirs too!

In a situation like this it is necessary to hold on to the reins and not show any difference in attitude. It is best to wade with the tide. However there are some who really care to show some form of discontent.

They behave differently as if the fault was the host's. The host cannot help it. He needs some recognition and it is up to him to decide from which end. He has all the right to act accordingly.

Some of the methods of showing discontent, that is adopted by some people, are detailed below! I strongly suggest that you should NOT try out any one of them at all! ... Then why do you think I am publishing this article?

Huh? ... Good Question indeed! ... Probably just to amuse you!

Just one or two of them have been tried out by me, all by myself, to my very own satisfaction! Certainly not all of them! I simply wouldn't dare to! Would you?

If you really want to, I cannot stop you. It's all left to you. Although I have detailed the methods in the imperative, I do not mean "GO AHEAD AND DO IT!"

Whatever the case may be, if you really want to, if you are the daring type, if you want to barge into the lion's mouth head first, I would advise you that you need to be cautious, take measured steps and ... have fun! Of course you need to have a small team of at least three ... and perform together!

The precaution you need to take is ... tread with utmost caution! Of course you are advised to apply utmost caution and keep feeling the pulse all the time. This is essential and would indicate to you when and in what manner to alter course. Good luck to you!

Walk in half an hour earlier than expected and make sure you are seated with the the entrance in view. Take along with you a sports whistle and one two liter bottle of water per person.

When the first guest arrives, take a deep breath and blow the whistle! This will interrupt the exchange of greetings and draw the attention towards your team.

Whoever they are, acquainted or otherwise, in a confused state they are sure to greet all of you on the way in!

If not already acquainted they are almost certain to walk up to you introduce themselves to you! For the rest of the game, they are bound to keep an eye on your activities! Repeat the process until a good number of guests have arrived.

Next, go up to the soft drinks table and stand facing it. If the host has placed a few mega bottles of coke on it, grab one, open it and drink straight from it.

When you do so, make sure that you take small sips at large intervals. Do so while standing at the table.

If there are no mega bottles then at least there should be some coke cans. Do not open then. Just pile them up one on top of the other.

This kind of thing could be a delicate operation as the higher you go the more cautious you've got to be because they may topple. When it reaches a point when there is a threat of the cans toppling, stop!

The others around would be sure to stare at you and your team! They will wonder what the hell you guys are up to. So will the host!

If there are various types of fruit juices in jugs, pour out a little bit from each one into every glass, using your judgement to pour in equal quantities of each kind.

Make sure you fill each glass right up to the brim. Now arrange them one behind the other, and in rows.

Now move on to the table where alcoholic drinks are placed. Break open the seal of each and every bottle and arrange them in some order. Preferably in a row, the tallest bottle at the very rear. Do not attempt to pour out the drinks. I shall tell you why later.

Once you've finished on that one, walk around the room or hall with the mega bottles in hand, and pause to take a sip each and every time someone says "hi!" to one of you! If no mega bottle is available, the bottle of water you took along with you would do perfectly well.

Walk around the room slowly with one hand in your pocket and the other hand holding the bottle. Stop to stare at every picture on the wall.

Stare at each one of them for as long as you can. Do not spare any pottery or ornaments either.

You may even bend to get a closer view of some ornament placed below eye level. When doing so, retain that position for a long period of time.

The next method is, to stand somewhere in the middle of the room and keep staring at your watch for as long as you can, along with your other accomplices! This is certainly bound to attract attention. This method is also used by criminals in custody to feign schizophrenia!

When you sense that the meal is about to be announced, slowly and unnoticed move towards the buffet table. Stand close to the plates rack. Each time someone picks up a plate, start yelping like a dog in distress, and as loud as you can! Just one of you, not all three. You can take turns if you like!

This will make the guest concerned very confused indeed! He'll be wondering what on earth is going on! Well thats's the impression you wanted to create, right? It's up to you!

Use your mobile phone camera to take close up shots whenever someone is serving himself or herself. I said close-up shots! Use the flash too!

Now take a break and have your meal. This is how you start. Load your plates beyond your capacity. Now draw a chair and sit at the buffet table placing each of your plates on the table.

Make sure you guys are seated positioned such that you are able see those who come for a second serving.

When someone does come for a second serving, say as loud as you can, WHAT? SECOND SERVING? ... OR IS IT YOUR THIRD?

If you knew his or her name, better still mention that too! Start eating. Eat as slowly as you can, while being in that very same spot.

Skip your dessert. This step is important. I shall not tell you why. Now just mingle with the other guests.

When one of you is introduced to someone, instead of shaking hands, salute them in ancient Roman style and say "Ave! Crismus Bonus!"

Start coughing whenever someone starts to talk to you. Stop when they stop. Resume coughing when they re-commence talking. This is a tried and tested method. Even today, I find this extremely effective!

Make sure you still have that bottle of water with you. Carry it around and take an occasional sip from it!

Cough as loud as you can, and at regular intervals. You could even pull out the whistle and start blowing it in short loud bursts! What the hell, this is a party isn't it?

Here is another great method. If you own a dog, take him along. Just one would do! Let him loose in the guest area. Assure the host that he is yours and will mind his own business and yours too!

Dogs usually don't bark at people who are "already there." By this logic, the dog is bound to bark at guests arriving afterwords. So much the better!

Er ... just a moment ... I am not too sure about dogs not barking at people who are "already there." If you think you can figure this one out, well and good. I would like to leave it to you.

At first the dog is bound to go around sniffing the toes of all the other guests. Just watch the expressions on their faces when this happens. Once you set your dog free in the guest area, it would be a good idea to vanish and remain in the wash room for about ten minutes or so.

So ... that's it! You may improvise on these tips as innovation knows no bounds. You never know you may even come up which a crackerjack of an idea yourself! If you do, please let me know via the comments box!

... concluded